Feet are Not Sexy

A couple of days ago I returned home from school in high spirits.

I know what you're thinking, this story's unbelievable already. Youths being happy?!

Anyway, I met my mother and exchanged the pleasantries, the 'how was your day?'s and the 'mine was pretty boring too's. And then, out of nowhere she says, 'by the way, I've booked you an appointment for the Doctor's.'

Hold on, I think. Going to the doctor, a medical professional, usually constitutes some form of defect in the normal functioning of the body. I thought for a moment before coming to conclusion that I was not aware that I was in possession of a defect such as this. Therefore, my response to the comment was, 'why?'

'Because you have weird feet.'

Now, I'd like to pretend that I've got brilliant feet, that they are the most beautiful things a person's weight has ever been carried on. But I haven't, but then again, nor has anyone else. Frankly, I have never understood the appeal of feet. 'You have sexy feet'? Feet are in no way sexy. They get you from A to B, and that's all they need to do.

Sorry, tangent alert I know.

Today I arrived at the Doctor's in trepidation. I've never liked the Doctor's. It's full of ill people. Ill people who I'm sure are just determined to infect other people. It's like they're hell-bent on coughing on you. After valiantly fighting off the germs of a young woman whose eyes were streaming as much as her nose, I was called in to room 4.

I was used to Dr Pickles (yes, genuine name) but today I was met by Dr Holmes. She was a nice young woman, short, pretty- the kind of woman I imagine bakes as a hobby. I could picture her smiling over her Nigella Lawson book whilst in conversation about her day with her boyfriend (who I could imagine being some kind of media employee, or something arty farty.) We exchanged pleasantries. Which at a doctor's seems somewhat futile. 'How are you?' Take a look at our surroundings and I'll give you three guesses.

She asked me to remove my shoes and socks, and then told me to stand up, and then nodded and declared I have got something wrong with my feet. To which my reply was, 'Neurrrghhh' because that's what teenagers say to express frustration. So yeah, my big toe joint is messed up which means my toes go in a weird direction, and although it won't cause me any pain, there's not much we can do about it. I could have surgery, but apparently it isn't really worth it at my age.

In short, high heels will hurt me.

Which I'm not that bothered about seeing as I don't own any, and am sort of planning on wearing Converse for the rest of my life.

There are some things you just don't want to hear adults say. I have heard two of them this week. The first being, 'it's very unusual to see this problem in teens' the second being about to enter the toilet after my grandfather has just come out, and him saying 'you're brave.'