A List of Seven of the Worst Things

As loosely promised, I am presenting a follow up to my last blog: 'A List of Seven of the Best Things.' Kindly note these lists, whilst important (they are lists, after all) are what I would like to call 'Meus own sententia quod fides , operor non infligo lemma' which I believe is Latin for, 'my own thoughts and beliefs, do not knock them.'


In short, take it with a pinch of salt. 


So, for all eyes to see:
Elbows on the Table's Official List of Seven of the Worst Things 


1) People who walk really slowly in front of you 
This is something that drives me insane. I always seem to find them. They're like a special breed of people who have to walk at a snails pace right in front of you. Does it never occur to them that you may have somewhere you need to be? And why do they always seem to have company? Why does their company walk equally as slowly and obstruct the corridor so you can't do an uncomfortably fast walk to overtake them? They need their own lane in the corridor. It can be labelled, 'people so socially savvy that they need to text constantly as they stroll leisurely in front of you'. 


2) Vinegar 

The smell. The smell. It makes me shiver and quake in my proverbial boots. I think my dislike for it comes from my brothers complete fixation with it. He puts it on everything. No food is safe. Lasagne, peas, shepherds pie-  everything. He even has a habit of pouring it on ready salted crisps- when we have salt and vinegar in the house! The logic is undeniable. 












3) Branded and Packaged Youthful Boybands
We're not talking Take That.  We're talking guys barely out of their teens with boyish cheeky grins and ridiculous hairstyles. I cannot even begin to fathom them. Or their fans. Auto-tuned to within an inch of their lives (a large portion of them can't sing) they become less of a band, more of a brand. Every song is teh same. With the target market of teenage girls, the only subject of their music is how beautiful a girl is (although she never seems to realise). What is almost as irritating as the bands themselves, are the people whos ay 'I WISH TO KILL THEM.' I may not be their biggest fans, but I respect other people's tastes in music, and I'm not a murderous rampaging psychopath.

4) Tabloid Magazines
OK! No not, OK! (I apologise profoundly, I'll never do anything of that nature again). A lot of people in them are irritating, sure (they are of the 'famous for being famous' genre) but who cares what they had for lunch? Why do I want to know about someone some paparazzi has spotted with their ribs showing? They're probably so stinking thin because in your last issue you were parading around about how fat they were!

5) Revision
I understand why it's necessary, and how it will help me get good grades and therefore a good job and as a result cash, but it will forever remain totally boring. I have, on more than one occasion, considered the power revision could have if used as a weapon of mass destruction. I am very thankful that Capital Punishment is illegal in this country- death by revision is not a good way to go.





6) Advertisement Jargon 

Buy our product! It's got this made up thing that will do a made up activity to a made up part of your face. A lot of people just think, 'that sounds scientific, I must buy their product' without actually knowing what any of it means.

So yes, you should certainly purchase some Parfait du Geshichte, it contains natural occurring zetahancers that will polydise your cryofilate system. Only £609!


7) The Out Crowd
Just as irritating as the In Crowd. The Out Crowd are those amongst us who sit around discussing how rubbish their lives are, how everyone hates them, how they do everything wrong, how they'll never be loved, how they ruin everything, how the whole world's against them- when this isn't the case. Can't people just cheer up? Can't they, for just five minutes, look at themselves and think, 'I can get attention in other ways.' There are people with real self esteem issues, who have actual problems, who genuinely believe they are worthless- but they don't talk about it twenty four seven- they want their problems to be solved, and I, as well as many others, would be happy to help them. The people who don't want their problems to be solved, or don't actually have problems, are the ones who will happily sit next to you and talk to you solidly for an hour about how the fact that they didn't get full marks on a test means that the teacher must have some kind of deep set hatred for them.

Well, I hope I've enlightened you, but I fear I may have just thoroughly depressed you instead...

My next blog will be less negative, I promise.